Why I Quit Drinking

I wasn’t what you would classify as a raging alcoholic, but I sure could throw a few back once I got started. 

And once I got started, that was typically where my day ended. Productivity out the window along with my capacity to care for the feelings of others. 

I felt myself losing control. 

I noticed it first when my weekends of excess would spill into the week. There I’d be on a Tuesday night, standing in line with whatever 6 pack had a good price. I’d tell myself this would be the only night of the week. But I’d be right back to the store on Wednesday, thinking to myself, “I might want 3 beers tonight and I think there’s only 2 in the fridge”. Head out to dinner with the family on Thursday, buy 2 beers to accompany my meal, and then back home for a couple more. Friday rolled around and I’d ramp it back up for the weekend. 

Mornings sucked, almost always. I’d wake up in a state of mental fogginess, feeling lethargic and disappointed. However, this was nothing new and was seemingly sustainable - until it wasn’t.

Losing my son last year changed a lot of things in my life: how I think, the things I value, and how I respond to the world around me.

Dark thoughts began squeezing their way to the forefront of my mind and they were starting to spill over. I began ramping up the alcohol use to quiet the thoughts, and at first, I thought it was helping. But then I’d hear myself saying things to people or acting in ways that would often leave me feeling ashamed or embarrassed the following morning. I found myself apologizing to the people I love because of my behavior which only compounded my fresh depression.

I had to change.

On 1/1/19 I decided to stop drinking for 3 months just to see if I could achieve that milestone. Within the first couple of weeks, I noticed a profound change in my energy levels and ability to think more clearly. I was able to commit to more training hours because my nights weren’t being consumed with social outings centered around alcohol. I was getting to bed earlier, waking up earlier, and was now able to dedicate more time to self-development and creativity.

3 months into the year the struggle to overcome drinking was not nearly as difficult as I was expecting it to be and I was enjoying all of the new thoughts, experiences, and time I was accumulating. Oh yeah, and all the money I was saving. I decided to try for 6 months.

Fast forward to today and I am now in my 9th month without alcohol. Do I miss it - the taste, the feeling, and the fun that came with it? Sometimes, yes. Do I miss who I was when I was drunk? No.

I realize my struggle with alcohol is mild compared to some as I have witnessed the addiction destroy people and ruin lives. I consider myself very lucky to have recognized my red flags early enough and with enough confidence and support to overcome them.

Sometimes we all need to take a long look at the mirror and analyze the person staring back at us. Remove the bullshit that we tell ourselves to protect our egos and just be honest: what are our weaknesses, what’s holding us back and how can we do better? 

Change is not easy. It requires work, discomfort, and oftentimes a great deal of sacrifice. But if you notice something is out of balance in your life then I strongly encourage you to address it. You don’t necessarily need a plan of action, the answers to all the questions that will come up, or even an end goal. Just take the first step forward.